A mother's reaction to her daughter's unconventional wedding has sparked anger online.
A Reddit post by u/No-Cauliflower-6934, the bride-to-be's father, has gone viral after he shared his disagreements with his wife, who wanted their daughter to have a traditional wedding celebration. Since the post was published, it has received 13,000 upvotes. Newsweek spoke to Dr. Mary Poffenroth, biopsychologist and author of Brave New You, about the contretemps.
In the post, the poster shared his frustration over his wife's emotional response to their daughter's elopement and plans for a small, non-traditional celebration. The OP wrote that his 24-year-old daughter, Lynn, is a practicing witch and has tattoos and piercings. She originally agreed to a bigger wedding planning only because of her mother's pressure, but a disagreement about floral arrangements led her to elope with her partner.
The couple are now planning an intimate get-together around Halloween in New Orleans, instead of the traditional event her mother had hoped for.
The OP said his wife had been crying for weeks, mourning the wedding she envisioned for Lynn.
"[She] cries every time this situation is brought up, saying she missed out on her little girl's special day," he wrote. "After a few weeks of this nonsense, I finally snapped and said, 'Why are you surprised? Lynn didn't want a wedding in the first place! She's our least traditional child! I'm just glad we at least got the engagement announcement.'
"My wife called me a few names and has been avoiding me."
In the comments, the OP wrote that he just wanted his wife to accept their daughter for who she is. Many commenters backed him up.
"She made Lynn's engagement about herself, not about celebrating the love between Lynn and her husband," u/bored-panda55 wrote.
"Your wife doesn't seem to want anything for your daughter; she just wants to have control. I feel sorry for Lynn," u/Professional_Bee8404 wrote.
An expert opinion
Newsweek spoke to Dr. Poffenroth about the emotional dynamics at play. She said that the mother's strong reaction likely stemmed from deeper fears of losing control.
"When it comes to major life events like weddings, our brains tend to create strong expectations about how we believe things should go," she said. "For parents, there is often an emotional investment in cultural traditions and what they perceive as meaningful milestones. However, underneath...I suspect there may be deeper fears at play—fears of loss of control, of her daughter growing up, of family relationships changing."
Dr. Poffenroth recommended open communication to bridge the gap between Lynn and her mother, emphasizing the importance of focusing on love rather than unmet expectations: "Expressing understanding of her fears to her daughter, rather than frustration about the wedding, could help repair their bond," she said.
In terms of the OP's handling of the situation, Dr. Poffenroth suggested the husband should lessen his criticisms and shift into a problem-solving approach. Ultimately, though, in situations like this, she said it's important to remember that the rifts come from a place of affection.
"Behind these conflicts, there's usually a deep love and desire for the best for one's child," Dr. Poffenroth said.
Newsweek reached out to u/No-Cauliflower-6934 for comment via Reddit.
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