Victoria Mary Clarke, Shane MacGowan's wife, admitted that she felt suicidal and called The Samaritans 'several times' after the death of The Pogues star, stating that there was "no easy way past" grief.
Victoria, who is an Irish journalist and author, met Shane at 16 and the pair were married from 2018 up until his tragic passing last year.
Shane, who was 65, passed away after developing pneumonia, following years of declining health. Victoria opened up about her grief in a new interview. She said: “There were obviously enormous amounts of desolation and despair. There were quite a few days where I thought that I definitely wanted to kill myself – I wanted to get out of here and go and be with him."
It was also revealed that Victoria reached out to the suicide prevention charity The Samaritans multiple times and received support from her loved ones during her difficult moments. She shared that she doesn’t believe there is a "quick or easy way" to overcome the deep grief she experienced.
She told The Independent: “You just have to let yourself feel it. So there was a lot of howling and crying and feeling s*** – the symptoms are very physical, like a pain in your ribs – and you don’t want to get out of bed.” Reflecting on her time with Shane, Victoria added: “He looked after me, we looked after each other. We were complete."
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Getty Images)Victoria shared that she had recorded conversations with Shane and often played them back, saying it helped her feel as though he was still "in the room" with her. In the interview, Victoria, who recently held her first solo exhibition, reflected on how Shane's influence continued to shape her work. Victoria also mentioned that Shane's friends, including Nick Cave, had been a source of support during her mourning. Nick, who has tragically lost two sons, suggested using ice water as a way to "shock" oneself into feeling alive and to help cope with the overwhelming grief.
Victoria is now preparing for her second Christmas without her late husband, having admitted last year that she wasn’t sure how she would "get through it" during her first holiday without him.
Last Christmas, she shared a sweet photo of the couple when they were younger, Victoria wrote on Instagram: "Today is really really hard much harder than I expected it to be. I just can’t stop crying and I want to be with him so much it physically hurts.
"I don’t know how people get through this but I do know that they do and people do feel joy even after they lose their person. Shane always said that even though he was born on Christmas Day he was much more focused on it being Jesus birthday and he felt like that was the most important thing about Christmas so I am asking for Jesus and the angels to help me today."
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