A woman has been backed online after telling her mom she won't be borrowing her dress for a friend's wedding as she said she looked fat.
The 19-year-old, who goes by u/Academic_Bear5911 on Reddit, explained that her mother, a former model, has long made critial comments about her appearance, and the original poster (OP) gave a few examples.
"When I'm next to her she will scan my face for pimples and if she finds one she will actively ignore me to pop them, or I will be doing something alone and she will come over to comment that my hair looks bad and I need to use this different product, or I will be walking and she will comment that my belly is large and I should go to the gym. Things like that, I know they aren't bad but I can't take it," she wrote.
The situation came to a head when the two were picking out a dress for a friend's wedding. Her mom offered her a gown she'd worn in the past, but when the zipper broke while trying it on, her mother said: "Wow, you really are fat." Her aunt joined in, laughing and teasing her about her weight.
Despite choosing another dress that fit better, the OP's mother continued to make remarks, asking her whether she'd been going to the gym and advised her to "suck in" her stomach at the wedding.
Fed up, the Redditor decided to buy her own dress, telling her mom she was tired of the constant comments. While her siblings accused the OP of being dramatic, her friends and boyfriend supported her.
At the time of writing, the post had gained 7,500 upvotes and over 680 comments from other Reddit users.
Many criticized the mother, while others advised that she create boundaries to stop the comments. "You can't stop your mom from criticizing you. But you can take action each time she does," one wrote.
Newsweek spoke to Chloe Brotheridge, a hypnotherapist and coach at Calmer You, who noted that the mother's tendency to make comments on appearance may stem from her own insecurities or upbringing.
"It's often the case that those that are critical of others are most critical to themselves. You have every right to feel upset when someone—especially a loved one—makes comments that impact your self-esteem," she said.
Brotheridge, who is also the author of The Anxiety Solution, advised the OP to have an open conversation with her mother when emotions have settled, using "I" statements to express feelings. "For example, 'I feel hurt and self-conscious when comments are made about my body, and I need those comments to stop'," she told Newsweek.
In summary, growing up facing critical comments can leave scars, but this can be solved in a healthy environment.
"Consider seeking therapy, to explore how these experiences have shaped your self-esteem and self-image. A therapist can help you navigate these dynamics, set boundaries and build a stronger sense of self, independent of external validation," Brotheridge said.
Reddit users rallied around the OP and deemed her not the a****** in this situation.
Newsweek reached out to u/Academic_Bear5911 on Reddit. We could not verify details of the case.
English (US) ·